


Trapped

by goddessofcruelty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Dreams vs. Reality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessofcruelty/pseuds/goddessofcruelty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now Dean recalls something, something fuzzy in the back of his mind and he's one hundred percent certain that he doesn't want to remember. But one single moment of crystal clarity blossoms into his mind.</p><p>“Sam. Oh fuck. <em>Sam.</em>”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Destiel - Dreams  
> Prompt: Dean can't tell what's real.  
> (Loosely inspired by the tv show Awake.)

Dean dreams of Castiel, his gorgeous, blue-eyed angel.

 _No, the weird angel dude he's_ friends _with._

At least, he thinks he's dreaming, because they've never had a house like this. It's neat and tidy and looks like something from a catalogue.

It _feels_ real though, even more real when Cas pulls him into a hug. It feels like home and safety, and something they've been doing so long that it's rote, but Dean _knows_ that they don't do this.

Dean slowly wraps his arms around Cas, completely fuddled and confused, but you don't leave a dude hanging, even if something's off.

“How are you feeling, dear?” Cas' gravelly voice breaks into this thoughts, but his hearing must be going, because he thought he heard 'dear' instead of his name.

Cas kisses his cheek, and Dean takes a big step back because whoa, _not a thing that happens._

Those big blue eyes close tightly a moment and when they open, there are unshed tears filling them up.

“So, still no luck on the memory thing, I see.”

Dean gives the angel his best _what the hell are you talking about_ look.

Cas puts on a cheerful front, but it's fake, so fake, that Dean can see right through it, and he hates that he put it there, and he doesn't even know what he did.

“Not to worry, I bought stuff to make pecan pie. Doc says smells and tastes can help with memory and we all know how you love pie.”

“Wait, memory thing, what _memory thing_?”

Dean's voice is bordering on the knife edge of pissed, because he's has a fucking great memory thank you very much, and maybe Cas is fucking with him, or maybe some other shit is happening but Dean Winchester does not forget shit.

Cas is taking things out of the cupboard, his back to Dean. The hunter can see him take a deep sigh and from the way his neck moves, Cas is clenching his jaw.

“Dean, the blade? You don't remember that anymore either?”

And now Dean recalls something, something fuzzy in the back of his mind and he's one hundred percent certain that he doesn't want to remember. But one single moment of crystal clarity blossoms into his mind.

“Sam. Oh fuck. _Sam_.”

Dean puts his hands over his face and collapses against the counter.

Cas slides his arms around Dean, and it's a testament to how far gone Dean is, that he sobs on Cas' shoulder.

_He gutted his own brother with the First Blade._

-

“Dean! DEAN.”

He jerks awake, pulling his favorite pistol from under his pillow and aiming it.

“Dammit, Sammy.”

“Dude.” Sam runs a hand through his hair. “You were yelling 'No' in your sleep and I couldn't wake you up.”

“Oh man, Sammy, I had this _fucked up_ dream. It was about the First Blade.”

Dean looks up at his brother in time to see him get that pinched look that means he's trying not to say something that Dean isn't going to like.

“What is it, Sam?”

Sam sighs, and paces, and then folds his overly-large frame into the chair at the rickety motel table.

“It...wasn't a dream, Dean.”

Dean shakes his head. “Dude, of course it was.”

Something is stirring in the back of his mind, sapphire-blue eyes open wide in betrayal.

“Dean...” Sam starts to say, then trails off. It's obvious he doesn't know what to say, or would be obvious if Dean was paying any attention at all to his brother.

Dean is trapped in his own mind, biting down hard on his knuckles as he re-lives the scene over and over.

_A haze of red coats his vision and he needs to kill, but there's someone holding him back. He turns and it's the man he's called 'family' for years now, and the anger flares anew, how dare he! The blade is sinking home without any movement or thought on Dean's part, and somewhere in the background he hears a smarmy laugh and an accented voice says, “Seems it can kill angels too...” Dean's staring into those horrified, betrayed eyes, and then the light flares, and the body falls. Dean steps back and looks down... the fucking wings on the floor..._

“Cas.” Dean whispers it like a prayer, and a hope, and shakes his head. “No, Sammy, tell me I didn't.”

“Dean, I'm sorry.”

“Fuck. Fucking hell.” Dean suddenly drags the arm of his shirt up and the mark is gone. Well the red, pulsing, evilness is gone. All that's left is a skin-deep tattoo, and he runs his thumb across it.

“You got that a couple days later. Said it was so you'd never forget.”

Dean is silent, trying to fit this in with what he _knows_ in his head.

“So, anyways, I caught us a job. We need to get going.”

“Whoa, whoa there, Sammy, working already? Really?”

“Dean, it's been six _months_. And _you're_ the one who wanted to get back to work. Dude, what is wrong with you?”

-

“Sam!” Dean sits up in total darkness, until a light clicks on next to him, and Cas is suddenly wrapping around him. He's making these soft, soothing murmurs as he strokes Dean's hair, and Dean nuzzles into his neck without even thinking about it.

Dean suddenly pulls back, holds Cas by the shoulders, shakes his head. “This is not. I mean, it obviously _is_ but it isn't, y'know?”

Cas tilts his head and frowns slightly. “Dean, you're not making any sense.”

But Dean's attention is even lower now and he's scooting away and backing up. “Cas, dude, you're naked. In my bed. Naked.”

Cas smirks faintly. “Yes, Dean, I'm often in _our_ bed naked. You prefer me that way, remember?”

_No, no he definitely doesn't._

Only now, he kinda does, images flashing through his mind. _Cas pinning him to the bed. Looking up at the angel while he used Dean's mouth._

Hears himself begging, _Cas, please, just FUCK me already._

“Oh my god.”

-

“We're here, dude.”

Sam smacks him in the shoulder and Dean startles to wakefulness, swearing internally.

He thinks he might be starting to lose his mind.

These fucking dreams are so real, but he _knows_ that he'd never stab Sam, so Dean is _certain_ this is reality.

Like 80 percent sure.

Maybe 75.

It's a routine salt-n-burn, and Dean suspects Sam is finding easy cases to test his mettle.

They get back to the hotel room early and Dean kicks off his shoes and lies back on the bed, absently rubbing the tattoo.

“Dude, stop. That's creepy.”

“I keep dreaming of Cas.”

“Shit, Dean, I'm sorry.”

Dean shakes his head because Sam doesn't get it, but it's not like _Dean_ gets it so maybe he needs to shut up and deal. It's not like he doesn't deserve to be haunted.

-

He wakes up to Cas fucking him slow and sweet, and by the feel of it, it's not the first time tonight. Dean's got that stickiness to his stomach that means that he's come on himself, and Cas is currently occupied marking up his neck.

Cas' left hand is curled tightly around Dean's hip, holding him in place, and _this_ , this feels real, solid.

_Maybe it's Sam that's the dream._

Cas nuzzles into the back of Dean's neck and whispers, “I love you.”

-

Dean wakes up alone, in the Impala's passenger seat.

He shifts, expecting to feel sore and weird, but everything feels normal.

_So that was the dream. I really did stab Cas._

Sam climbs into the driver's seat, handing over some take out boxes. “Got you pancakes and sausage. Selection wasn't that great.”

Dean finds himself asking if there's any pie.

“Of course, Dean.” Sam rolls his eyes and Dean grins just a bit.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

-

Dean has the life he's always wanted with Cas, white picket fence, job as a mechanic.

-

He has the life that he's always known with Sam, hunting together always, the family business.

-

Cas.

-

Sam.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration: One by Metallica
> 
> Please let me know if I need to tag anything. <3
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](goddessofcruelty.tumblr.com)


End file.
